Marriage Skits for Laughter and Learning
produced
by
Nancy Landrum
Let Nancy bring the power of
Mastering the Mysteries of Love
to your group
Based on the ten skills of Relationship Enhancement, Mastering the Mysteries of Love was developed as a hands-on, activity-based, repetitive learning process with built in reinforcement of experiences that enable couples to take home good feelings and practical solutions to problems.
Why does it work?
The reason for the superior effectiveness of Mastering the Mysteries of Love (MML) program is that it does the most comprehensive and deliberate job of teaching the skill of empathy. The learning and practicing of empathy is the key to all the other skills needed to create and sustain a successful, loving marriage.
Learning the skill of empathy and applying it to their issues was the primary lesson that led to the healing of Jim and Nancy Landrum’s marriage and the building of a better, more intimate, more compassionate and loving relationship than either of them dreamed they could have.
Thirty five years of research by Dr. Guerney at Pennsylvania State University and a multitude of comparative, academic studies led to the development of Relationship Enhancement (RE), the "parent program" of MML. Shown to instill the most long-term positive changes in marriages, this concept has also been demonstrated to deepen emotional intimacy and successfully resolve conflict in any relationship. It is also extremely effective when there are serious issues at stake, such as infidelity, chemical dependency or mental illness. Nancy has seen multiple couples with beaming faces or tears of healing and joy as they learned and applied these powerful skills to previously unresolved issues.
Available with or without a faith-based focus.
Available in several time formats:
- A weekend
- Eight 2 ½ hour evenings
- Friday evening session, Saturday session and four evening sessions
(Extended formats would be contingent on the distance Nancy has to travel.)
Cost:
$199 per couple
Ten skills covered in Mastering the Mysteries of Love curriculum.
- Showing Understanding Skill: You’ll reap the rewards of greater trust and emotional intimacy in your marriage as well as experience easier resolution to issues as you give the gift understanding. MML teaches how to put yourself in your partner’s place and see the topic from his/her point of view (empathy). There is no greater example of this skill than Jesus’ trip to earth to live life as we know it and no greater example of Christ-likeness than to listen with this depth of caring. You will describe to your partner what you have come to understand about his/her thoughts, feelings, concerns and desires. Agreement isn’t necessary, but Showing Understanding is!
- Expression Skill: We all long to be heard and understood. Learning to speak skillfully greatly increases your experience of being heard and understood. Good expression skills eliminate the communication practices that provoke hurt and distancing. MML teaches you to begin by recalling what is good in your relationship, then speak from your own point of view rather than what is “right” or “good” or “normal,” be specific, talk about your feelings and ask for what you want. You are taught what to avoid and coached to plan your words in advance.
- Discussion Skill: Everyone has had the experience of a “discussion” that resolves nothing or results in greater hurt and withdrawal. No one likes that or wants it to happen. MML teaches how to discuss an issue so that both persons and points of view are heard. You learn to agree on a time and place to have a “skilled” discussion to optimize success. One partner expresses thoughts, feelings, concerns and desires while the other partner Shows Understanding. From time to time, you trade roles.
- Problem Solving Skill: It’s frustrating to think you’ve reached a solution, only to have it recur again and again. MML teaches how to come to an agreement that will solve the problem by finding a solution that meets your partner’s needs as well as your own. Then you write down a plan to show who will do what, when, where and how. You’re coached to set up a trial period to follow your plan. Use Self Change and Helping Others Change Skills to follow through. Renegotiate if changes in the plan are needed. A little extra work at this stage insures permanent success and greater confidence tackling future problems.
- Self Change Skill: We often have good intentions to change in order to bless our partner and improve the marriage, and then feel defensive or ashamed if we fail. MML helps you see change as a gradual learning process while helping you set up a plan for what you will do to change. You are encouraged to be very specific and realistic. You are urged to enlist others to help you by asking for reminders that will not upset you, show your appreciation to others when they remind you as they agreed to do and ask for appreciation from others when you have been doing well.
- Helping Others Change Skill: It hurts to try to help and be rejected or resented. MML teaches you how to work from an agreement telling you exactly how you are to help. You stick to reminders that will not be seen by your partner as nagging or criticism. You reinforce effort and accomplishment with appreciation. If your partner doesn’t seem to be following through on your agreed plan, use your Skills to talk about your frustration or disappointment. Revise the plan if needed and keep showing appreciation occasionally even after your partner regularly practices the new behavior.
- Coaching Skill: Old habits die hard and the communication habits we’ve practiced since infancy are no exception. MML teaches couples to agree on Stop Signals or Stop Phrases as reminders when either partner forgets to Show Understanding or use good Expression Skills. When you get a Stop Signal, correct yourself or ask your partner to help you. Thank your partner for making the change. This skill helps keep both partners within the safe boundaries of a Skilled Discussion rather than reverting back to old habits that tend to escalate into unproductive arguments or cool withdrawal.
- Conflict Management Skill: When we are not getting what we want or need, anger is often the result. Sometimes anger is the communication legacy we’ve inherited. Anger becomes a habit that creates the opposite of what we desire…love, respect, trust and intimacy. The practice of MML Skills reduces conflict and builds trust by talking often and honestly about your thoughts, feelings, concerns, and desires using Skilled Discussion and following through on promises and plans. But when anger erupts you are taught how to maintain personal and emotional safety by showing respect for each other’s need for time to calm down while making a firm commitment to have a Skilled Discussion later to resolve the problem.
- Generalization Skill: Good communication skills are needed in every relationship, all of the time. MML promotes the use of these effective skills at home, work and with friends. Pay attention to the difference Skills can make in the outcome of conversations or situations in every arena. Give yourself permission to learn gradually, fitting Understanding, Expression and Problem Solving Skills into ordinary conversations.
- Maintenance Skill: From an early age most of us were taught the value of routine maintenance for our cars and other equipment. Marriage, as well, does not last a lifetime or automatically work smoothly without regular maintenance! MML suggests setting aside time to share your thoughts, feelings, concerns and appreciations each day and to Show Understanding to each other. Make weekly dates to use Skills to resolve problems or concerns. In addition, make weekly dates for fun times with each other to enjoy the fruit of all the hard work you’ve been doing!
For more information:
Relationship Enhancement (RE) literature can be viewed at www.nire.org.
Mastering the Mysteries of Love go to www.skillswork.org
*For faith-based venues, scriptures are included that validate that these skills were originally God’s way for us to express love!
How to Stay
Married and
Love It!
by
Nancy Landrum
