Marriage Skits for Laughter and Learning
produced
by
Nancy Landrum
More About Nancy Landrum
I have attended fundamental Christian churches all of my life and my faith is integral to my journey. After the death of my first husband and several years of being a single mom to two sons, I married a widower, Jim Landrum, an associate pastor and minister of music in Baptist Churches. Although generally mature and rational, we were blindsided by the issues peculiar to step-families (see links) …an arena that, until recently, has had little study or practical solutions. Unresolved, ongoing conflicts in that area slowly eroded the good in our marriage. Jim and I well knew the godly principles of loving one another, but were lacking the specific skills to implement those principles
It took us the better part of ten years to find and piece together the guidelines and communication skills that produced for us a loving marriage…one in which we both honestly shared our feelings and concerns and found solutions to issues that met both of our needs. The decisions we made in desperation regarding step-parenting later became the very ones recommended by emerging step-family research. By the time our relationship became a refuge of loving and peace, the children had grown and gone. They grew up in our war zone and it’s a credit to them that our family eventually bonded around a core of love and appreciation for each other.
Throughout those years I also gradually and painfully learned a variety of lessons that come with a child who is lost in a life of addiction: letting go, setting boundaries and enforcing them, recognizing where I have control and where I can’t, grieving the loss of what could have been. I became intrigued with the Living Bible’s interpretation of Matthew 11:39 where Jesus says he only gives us "light burdens." It sounded like an oxymoron to me! How can a burden be light? But the answer to that conundrum eventually came. The answer was not limited to, but definitely included a lesson in self-forgiveness. The cluster of lessons culminated in 1996 while Steven was living with us and slowly dying due to his continued drug use. Although I would never wish addiction or its fallout on anyone, I consider Steven one of my greatest teachers in life. I still miss him. (see "The Hill")
In 1994 we began to teach what we'd learned in our "How to Stay Married & Love It!” workshops and in 2002 published a book by the same name. I also completed a Masters Degree in Psychology. Those accomplishments are largely due to Jim’s unflagging and enthusiastic belief in my abilities.
In 2002, God began to speak to us about learning a whole new way of living—without anxiety. We considered ourselves Christians who trusted God, but were astonished to realize that we were largely anxiety driven. The lessons were daily and amazing, but the result was that we began to experience a far greater level of trust in God to take care of all the details of our lives. When Jim was diagnosed with terminal cancer in May, 2004, we asked God, "Is it O.K. to worry now?” He gently said, "No. Trust Me." (see "Suspended Between Death and Resurrection")
Up until the night he died on June 2, 2005, we believed that God would miraculously heal him. So the lessons continue: How do I go on when everything has changed? What do I do with my anger and feelings of betrayal by God? Do the lessons about an anxiety-free life still apply? Can I keep trusting? Where will I get the loving, constant belief in me that Jim provided?
In 2006 I became a founding board member for the California Healthy Marriages Coalition, awardee of a ten million dollar grant to be used in support of healthy marriages and families in California. The coalition’s purpose is to reduce the emotional and financial pain inflicted on couples and their children from unworkable relationship patterns by teaching research proven functional skills.
In spite of losing the love of my life, I’ve discovered that it is still my passion to teach effective communication and conflict resolution skills to others who hunger, as we did, for a romantically loving and practically functional marriage. I found a curriculum—"Mastering the Mysteries of Love" (MML)—that perfectly parallels what we lived in our own marriage and what we taught. In some areas, I believe this curriculum does an even better job of teaching than we did! (www.skillswork.org)
How to Stay
Married and
Love It!
by
Nancy Landrum
